February, if you had any balls you'd be three days longer - Stephen Colbert.

I really enjoy The Colbert Report. Here are a few Stephen quotes to make you laugh.



-The Colbert Report's terror level has been elevated to brown, somebody spilled coffee on the chart...

-Knock Knock, Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

-No animals were harmed in the recording of this episode. We tried but that damn monkey was just too fast.

-Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.

-There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.

-You don't support the President? Maybe you don't belong in America.

-You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America "Well, At Least She Has A Great Personality."

-I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history.

-You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! But I've got oven mits.

-There's nothing wrong with stretching the Truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

-Some say, "Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it". I say, "Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise."

-As God said to Job, Checkmate.

-When I think about Truth, I touch myself...

-And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name; I'm not changing it!

-Do they GIVE a Nobel Prize for throwing your own feces?

-Move over Oprah you fat bitch, tonight every member of my audience receives a priceless gift... the Truth.